I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

- Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of humor.

- Earn cash in your spare time---blackmail friends.

- If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.

- Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep.

- Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.

- I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

- I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

- If a cluttered desk is characteristic of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean?.

- What does retired mean? Tired yesterday, tired again today

- Diplomat tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

- Never try to drown your troubles... especially if she can swim.

- Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.

- Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.

- My wife's a water sign. I'm an earth sign. Together we make mud.

- An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt.

- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is
where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.

- By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a
son who thinks he's usually wrong.

- If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total
strangers.

- Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them,
we wouldn't have.

- There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

- Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

> - Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not
giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

- An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she
gets, the more interested he is in her.

- You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you
stopped laughing.

- She is an expert housekeeper: every time she gets divorced, she keeps the
house.

- Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like > are already
taken.

- Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

- Father is a banker provided by nature.

- Quit smoking! Take air pollution straight.

- Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15.

- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- Success is relative- the more success, the more relatives.