My wife walked into the den & asked “Whats on the tv?”  I replied “Dust.”  And that’s how the fight started… 

A woman stood nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,  ”I feel horrible:  I look old, fat, and ugly.  I really need you to pay me a compliment..”  The husband replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”  And that’s how the fight started… 

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.”  I bought her a scale. And that’s how the fight started… 

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”  It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.  ”Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”  And that’s how the fight started… 

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and asked, “Do you want to have sex?”  ”No,” she said. I then asked, “Is that your final answer?”  She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”  So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”  And that’s how the fight started… 

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light beer for $14.95.  Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.  I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.  And that’s how the fight started…