Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.

Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.

Q. What goes up when the rain comes down?
A. An umbrella.

Q. What disappears when you stand up?
A. Your lap.

Q. What did the big chimney say to the small chimney?
A. You are too little to smoke.

Q. What did the stamp say to the envelope for fun?
A. Stick with me and we will go places!

Q. What sort of star is dangerous?
A. A shooting star!

Q. What do computers do when they get hungry?
A. They eat chips!

Q. Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
A. "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!

Q. Which month do soldiers hate most?
A. The month of March!

Q. What did the tie say to the hat?
A. You go on a head, I'll just hang around!

Q. What would you call two banana skins?
A. A pair of slippers

Q. Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
A. Because he wanted to work over-time!

Q. Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?
A. Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q. When do you stop at green and go at red?
A. When you're eating a watermelon!

Q. Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
A. He couldn't concentrate!

Q. Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A. Because his parents were in a jam!

Q. What did the hamburger name his daughter?
A. Patty!

Q. When does a cart come before a horse?
A. In the dictionary!

Q. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A. She couldn't control her pupils!

Q. Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A. To get a root canal.

Q. Why did the child study in the airplane?
A. He wanted a higher education!

Q. What did one virus say to another?
A. Stay away, I think I've got penicillin!

Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge?
A: Footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if there are 2 elephants in your fridge?
A: Two sets of footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
A: Can't get the fridge door closed.

Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: you can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO

Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: What is that stuff between elephants toes?
A: Watchless natives.

Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in you're yard?
A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag!