Filthy :))
Chaku se kya kaat ti ho, dhaar to talwar mein hai chaku se kya kaat ti h0 dhaar t0 talvar mein hai Dupatte se kya dhaak ti ho, maal to salwar mein hai
Bhalai ka zamana nahi raha
Son: Why is this dog mounting the other? Dad: The dog above is crippled, the one below is supporting him. Son: Bhalai ka zamana hi nahi raha, Jise sahara do wohi Gaand maarta hai
Car sales girl and a Call girl
Car sales girl to a Call girl: Aaj meri car nahi biki to mera baaja baj jayega Call girl: Aaj mera baaja nahi baja to meri car bik jayegi
Form fillup
ek sardarji koi form fill up kar rahe the. form me sex: column tha to unhone likha sex: thrice daily. to ye padh ke officer ne kaha ke nahi humara matlab hai aadmi ya aurat. to is par sardarji bole : jo bhi mil jaye.
Feel Good factor
Today's SMS ! Lady: I couldn't make out the person who raped me since my eyes were blocked. But I know he was from BJP. Police: WHY BJP? Lady: Bcoz of "FEEL GOOD" factor
Voters
Ek aadmi ne dusre aadmi se poocha: Vote kisko diya??? Dusra aadmi: Sonia ko, lekin is baar maja nahi aaya. Pehla aadmi: Kyo?? Dusra aadmi: Pehle daalne dete the, abi sirf dabane dete hai
Bihari VS Britisher
This is the ultimate ...you would almost die laughing!!!! Due to the way our Hindi was pronounced by the Britishers and the Anglo Indians too, Here Goes: GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher,Colonel Smith Col.Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai)!! Bihari: Nahi sir, jyada nahi!! Col. Smith: Kya 'jyada nahi' bolta hai, tumhara application me likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai. Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga. Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)?? Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!! Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya 'kabhi kabhi' bolta hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai. Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga. The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith's family asks him to do. Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!! Ganpatrai : Ji maalik. Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)... baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga... aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga. Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta. Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega. Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare. Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga. Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ....jo hukum. After a few days There is no one except Col.Smith's wife at home. She is alone in her bedroom.While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie the knot behind. So...... Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo? Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin. Wife : Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot). Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin?? Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai. Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge. Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi. Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum. Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts: Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!! Ganpatrai :Memsaab...Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega
jalta hua bulb
Teacher:Aisi konsi cheese hai jo moo main nahi li jasakti Student: Jalta hua BULB Yeacher: Woh kaise? Student: kionki kal raat ko mummi papa ko keh rahi thi ke pehle bulb bujao phir moo me loongi!
Head master inspecting the class
Ek baar class main inspection hoti hain.. Headmaster sahib aate hain....... Sawaal karna shuru! Headmaster: "Bachoo Hamari body ka sabse naram part konsa hain"? Jab koi jawab nahin deta to master Tinku ki taraf ishara karte hue Headmaster: "Tinku tum is ka jawab do"!! Tinku: "Master ji hamari body ka sabse naram part hain GAAND, kyon ki, agar hame thand (cold) lag gaye hum kehte hain 'GAAND Phat gayi', Garmi lag jaya hum kehte hain 'GAAND phat gayi', thoda chalna pad jaye'GAAND phat gayi', Rona aa jaye 'GAAND phat gayi', Homework karana ho'GAAND phat gayi' Headmaster ko gussa to aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi sahi hain to woh kuch nahin kehta.. phir sawaal karta hain Headmaster: "acha aab ye batao ke, Ladki ki jab shaadi ho jaati hain to woh Doli ke time roti kyon hain" Phir koi jawaab nahin deta......master phir Tinku ko jawaab dene ko kehta hain. Tinku: " Master ji aap itne bade master, gyani or Samajhdar AGAR AAPKI KOI 400KM GHAR SE DOOOOOR LE JAA KAR GAAND MAREGA TO AAPKO RONA NAHIN AAYEGA? Master ji ko phir bhut gussa aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi thik hain...isleye woh use kuch nahin kehta. Master phir sawaal karata hain Headmaster: " Acha bachoo agar main aapko tisri aankh lagane ki shakti doon to tum kahan lagwaoge" Koi bacha kehta hain sir pe, koi kehta hain mooh main, koi kehta hain pet main. koi kehta hain kaan pe..... Master ko koi bhi answer acha nahin lagta hain to woh Tinku ko phir khada karta hain. Tinku: " Master ji main tisri aankh haat ki badi wali ungli main lagawaoonga" Headmaster: " Kyon Tinku" Tinku: " Main usko aapki GAAND main dalke ye dekhoonga ke aisa kaun sa kida aapki GAAND main Bhatak raha hain jo Salla har Sawaal mujhe hi se pooch raha hai.
Kyo???
Q. Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade the. Bus aayi -Mayuri gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya - kyon? A. Because Mayuri 'can - go'. ~~~ Q. Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon?? A. Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha... ~~~ Q. kamal, vimal do bhai they, dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why??? A. Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!! ~~~ Q. Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus stop pe khade the...bus aai aur Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti Kapoor nahin jata. Qyo??? A. Qyonkieeeeeee woh Shakti Kapoor dusri bus ke wait Kar raha tha! ~~~ Q. Amitabh aur Pran dono bus estop pe khade the... bus aai aur Pran chad jata hai per Amitabh nahin jata Qyo??? A. because pran jaye per bacchan na jaye
Lady wanted to go to a toilet
In a party a lady wanted to go to a toilet, so she asked a Sardarji, "PAPEJI, PESHAB KARNE KI JAGAH DIKHAO." Sardarji says, "Oye, pehle tu dikha!"
Sadhu Vs Whore
Once a sadhu went to a prostitute and after completing, while leaving the prostitute asked 'baba, Paise.' He replied 'Hut Pagli tujhse paise thodi loonga.
Sardar ki sali
Sardar ki sali Sardar se boli Jijaji 500 do kal dungi. Sardar bola tu 1000 le paar aaj de.
Mard ko buri nazar kyon nahi lagti?
Kyonki Uparwale ne use Do nimbu aur ek mirchi permanently baand kar di hai.
Saas
Doctor: Bolo kya taklif hai? Patient: sote waqt SAS ko lene men taqlif hoti hai, Doctor: Aaj se 10 din sote waqt SAS ko nahi SALI ko lo !!
